If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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