I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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