So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
