dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
