I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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