I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
