I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
