Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
