Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
