[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
