I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
