sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We got so high we made milksteak
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
