everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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