At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
