We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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