Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I FOUND THE LEGS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
