If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Damn victory sex feels great
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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