I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My vagina is very pro this idea
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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