i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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