Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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