so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
