FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
