apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
