It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
