So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
