Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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