I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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