Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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