On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
