Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
