I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
