he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
