Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
