hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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