The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
