i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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