Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
