If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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