Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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