Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
