what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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