I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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