yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
