Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
