I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
