and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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