The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
