dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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