When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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