Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
