Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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