Someone shit on the floor
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
