evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
