Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
