Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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