"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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