You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
